her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My ass is underappreciated
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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