She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
