oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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