I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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