come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
