Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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