Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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