I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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