cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
