The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
