Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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