God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
