I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
