It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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