Ketchup is God's man juice
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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