I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
