OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
