let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
