Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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