Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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