Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just pee around me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
