oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
