you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
