I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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