she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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