the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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