you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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