Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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