He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
