If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
