i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
