Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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