that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
