my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
