Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
