I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
