The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
