She even gives head with a lisp.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
