dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Houston, we have a blender
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Randomize
