boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The power of my boobs compel you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
