the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
