I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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