Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
