WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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