I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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