Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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