the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize