I can text with my tongue
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
