She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
