That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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