R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
