I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
