I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
