I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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