At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
