Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
