his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
