He asked to "fluff my boner.."
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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