Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
