He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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