Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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