she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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