Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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