no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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